Song Review 1: "Closer" by InWhite.
(review written by Ian Rich, RV2 expert, US)
I just listened to "Closer"… I love your sound; this song definitely has commercial potential (and I just love the synth bass in the verses!).
First, the lyrics: Native English speakers would never say "I don't feel like to say goodbye". I suggest you change them to "I don't feel like sayin' goodbye". Same thing with "I don't feel like to tell you the truth" - much better would be: "I don't feel like tellin' the truth".
"Look to my eyes" would sound better as "Look in my eyes" (no-one says "look to my eyes").
Next is the "American" accent… mostly it's very convincing, but there are a few words that could use some work. Specifically:
- after the first chorus, the "oo" in the word "goodbye" - when you're singing in an American accent, the "oo" in good should rhyme with hood (NOT a long "oooo" that rhymes with the word "fool" but rather the same vowel sound in the word "book", as an American would say it…more of an "uh" sound).
- Check out the audio pronunciation at http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/goodbye?s=t
- There are a few other things like this in the vocal pronunciation but nothing that couldn't be cleared up in a couple of hours with the right vocal coach.
About the arrangement:
At the moment, it sounds like an album track, rather than a single. For single release, you might want to consider putting a little reference to the chorus at the very beginning of the song…maybe just the phrase (a cappella) "To be closer" with a 1/2 note delay only on the word "closer"…wait until it fades and then kick in with the verse (just an idea to try… might work).
Another variation would be to cut the first chorus to 8 bars and leave the 2nd chorus at 16 bars in length. Of course, that makes the song a little shorter, so you'd have to make up the time somewhere else to make it at least 3 minutes long… maybe do something different in the instrumental section before the last chorus? It seems like the energy of the song dies a little in that section. You might want to experiment with building the rhythm track up to a climax, possibly with some repeating (male or female) vocal effect… last chorus is excellent; I suggest keeping it the way it is.
Overall: great job… I'm looking forward to hearing you guys develop!
Los Angeles, 08.20.2012
|3 / 5|